The wake-up call

Yesterday
was the release of A-level results
2 of my old classmates
got all As for their H2
i was really surprised..
shocked i must say
I cldnt believe
that an anak melayu
can excel that much
and in our sch
and with the same combi im takin
it was
really
a wake-up call

i just stared at them
admiring
wondering
questioning
scared...
whats gona happen to me
am i gona be like them?
was i gona cry
tears of frustation again?
or tears of joy
when i take my results next yr

i dont noe y
i didnt want to at first
i ended up walking to D
congratulate her
i got a few tips frm Hid
In the end
i oso donno how
i was asked to act in front of the camera
from Berita
that nite
my face was on Berita
so embarassing
many people saw me
they were like
"hey...masok tv per...senyum mcm die yg amek result seh..hahaha"
lol...
papelah eh
tompang glamour pon tompang lahh
ckp pape korg nak

That nite silat
i learned
of a few hurtful stuff
One abt the past
and one abt the present
and one more abt the future
haha...
very vague hor...
lemme explain

the past was abt the one
the one tt caused
that scar in me

the present
is abt
those being there
and those not being there

the future
was a comment
abt wat might happen
to..
something really precious to me

all of it
was damn scary
for me to accept
and face
it was hard
for me to say aniting
there was nuting much i cld do
but the impact on me
was realli great
i kept thinking
and thinking
as i walked hm
i stopped sumwhere to think
in the middle of the nite
i cried
thinking of all the possiblities
that the future mite bring
mostly negative ones...
it was too scary
that i was actualli wishing
that life ended just then..
so that all the pain wld fade

i was so wrong
forgive me Allah for thinking tt way
as i sat there
Tuhan gerakkan hati aku
its true
that all of tt can happen
i can nvr change them
i can never change what mite happen
but i can change me rite
i can change my mindset
my moves
and i can still
prevent all of 'that'
frm happening

i recalled what happened
for the whole day
the pain n fear i felt
when i looked at my old gd frens
the pressure i felt
when i heard abt my sis
the hapiness that exist
but the fear that overwhelmed
and at nite
when i was so shameful
of my sins
and on the bus
the few words frm tt guy
that made me worry again

now tt i look back
i was lucky
that i realised
all that
were just cobaan
all i have to do
is hold on tight
and move forward

now
i heard some words frm dad
frm mum
ive seen the truth bt my sis
my fam made me
open my eyes
God did perkenankan
some of my doa
alhamdulilah
i feel
that ive the strength
to pull thru all this pain and fear

i cant fail again this time

i cant

and i wunt

and i'll do my best
for KW
as long as
ajarannya masih berdasarkan yg benar
masih berdasarkan ajaran agama Islam
i'll stand and if i have to
fight for it

I have a new aim
and...
haha..
people will noe
when they see my green board
cant guarantee i'll achieve it
but insyAllah
i'll do my best

Aku slalu berdoa
yang aku jadi
seorang anak yg soleha
dan wanita yg soleha
aku harap dan tahu
tuhan akan bimbing aku
ke landasan yg benar
insyAllah