My lovely keparats would understd y im so happy these days.
Coz its just awesome!!!
If only im bloody RICH
id get it done asap siaaaaa
BUT
im grateful for having wateve i have now
BECAUSE
it makes this whole thing
even more precious
it makes it soo special
it makes it sooo AWWW0-SeMMM!
Hehe.
So ain, mas like i said.
it'll be a surprise kay.
Cute kan gambar nie?
Found it when i was browsing thru the net.
Anw
Life's been great these few days
Job-searching is damn hard
and is irritating the crap out of me.
As my friends wld noe,
im a person who wld cry when sumting hurtful happens
i'll be like the bloody crybaby for a minit or 2
at times it'd takes hrs..
right after that, i'd be smiling again
and moving on, doing my best to put it behind me
no matter how tuff, no matter how complicated.
Ive faced it. Ive felt it. Ive done it.
So when i read the msg again..
I couldnt help but smile.
According to it.. I have no idea of what its like
to be in love...
to be betrayed by ur loved one..
someone i gave my heart and soul to..
to go crazy when i didnt talk to the person..
to always be in pain wheneve i close my eyes
coz i'd imagine them both togther...
for the other party to know me in-out
but as for me.. zero-information...
I dont know these things huh... Hakz..
Ok, one thing i agree abt is maybe i dont know whats love yet.
i wldnt be so sure abt that.
One thing ive learned about life is that
Never, Never should you regret.
Nabi kita tak mengajar kita utk berkelakuan sedemikian.
Also, ive learned that
kalau api kemarahan dan dendam tak membakar musuh,
maka yang akan terbakar adalah diri kita sendiri.
I cant say that i know every single pain
that you went thru
coz everyone's different
experiences also different lah kan
I was once there
facing the same dilemma
as you.
It was having one person
u really loved
u really cared for.
U'd do anything for him
He was... simply..lost.
He didnt noe what he wanted.
Or needed.
He needed me. Thats what he said.
Thats what im told, by people all ard me.
Our teacher said,
"Nisa. show him the right way. Dun let him go back there"
His friends said,
"He's hurt nisa. He's a gd guy. So pls take care of him"
His parents said,
"Nisa, galakkan die belajar. Tolong cik nisa. Ngan org laen die tak nk dgr".
At times, im just scared.
Coz its just too much
what if i cant do much.
im just a human after all.
But a day came..
When he just left...
With no words.. nothing..
Its just a simple "im sorry"
"U'll find someone better".
Without meeting.
Without reasoning.
Nothing.
At that time also,
no friends... I had none.
Coz ive done many mistakes,
n it took them a few days b4 theyd forgive me.
and even so, most of the time, i didnt belong to their world.
So i was.. alone.
To move on,
without any help,
without any hopes to hold on to,
was tuff for me.
I was living,
but inside i was dying.
I couldnt reach out to anyone.
Worst still,
we'd still see each other during lessons.
But nothing can be said.
2 weeks later,
saw him flirting.
and a few days later,
they got togther.
And me.. I was the last to know
they didnt wana hurt me.
The following day,
when i met the girl
she said "do u know y he broke up with u"
"he said he has no feelings for u"
i didnt know that.
Everyone knew this already, it seems.
So he cldnt approach me,
to tell me what it was all abt,
but i just had to hear it frm his new girlfren.
Later, the girl confessed
to the whole team
she's togther with him,
just for the sake of getting back at her ex,
who left her.
Not only was i surprised by how things turned out,
but also i finally got the reason
of why we went seperate ways.
It was very diffcult to accept
becoz not too long ago,
he'd always hold on to my hand
sometimes crying,
saying "you wun leave me will u?"
But one day, i was left.
Betrayed. By my own friend. By my own love.
I didnt meet him anymore.
I culdnt talk to him anymore.
But his mum... Really liked me.
So i visited her regularly,
just to see if she's doing fine.
But each time i stepped into the house,
tell me.. what am i suppose to feel..?
all those moments and time spent togther.
Everytime.. this happens...
Every visit.. wld coz me to break down.
Everyday went by..
But i still believed in him.
I knew he had potential,
coz he had such a kind soul,
that many people had taken advantage of.
and being young and reckless,
desicions were made based on emotions
so basically, he can be stupid.
I tot he'd change.
I waited.
It went on.. for 8 mths..
just hoping and hoping..
in these 8 mths,
i heard many things..
that he'd regret.
That he's just getting worst than b4.
He started taking illegal stuff.
One day came, and i finally decided to move one.
And till now, ive ever regretted it.
Im really happy i did.
Im really happy, each time he reach out to me
i cld push it away
for the basic reason of, i want him to learn a lesson
so that he wun do the same for other girls
So i didnt write all these shit for nothing
i dont wanna boast bout my life
coz compared to others,
my experience is very insignificant
and is almost close to nothing
Of coz, no one wld understd the pain i went thru
I dun blame them.
Basically, i did feel betrayal.
I did feel what it was like to lose someone.
and that someone later chose a girl,
whom only God knows how she lived her life.
I know what its like, how crazy it gets,
not to get to talk to the person..I did so for mths
I slept everyday, crying, thinking of him with her,
of how he left,
and wake up frm nightmares abt him.. almost everyday.
To still see the girl now, regularly,
and she still have the same attitude of wanting to beat me...
again...
Life's not simple.
It definitely is not.
But everyone can control it.
Maybe not ur destiny.
Maybe not the events.
But at least, one thing others cant control
that i can...
its my mind.
My thinking. My thoughts.
Its stupid to waste my energy on such a negative thing,
coz when i do that
i'll forget bout those ard me
my parents
my frens
my family
I felt wat it was like,
almost having to lose my dad to cancer
thats one of my wake-up calls
i saw him fighting
so hard against it
living each day in a room
so many things injected into him
not able to move
losing hair, appetite...
Life sucked for him then
but why didnt he give up
and yet u people out there think of DYING??
U may not be planning to kill urself
but ur actions now.. it certainly shows u dun care bout ur body
it certainly shows u dun care abt ur family
ure friends...
coz they'd definitely get hurt if u left them
and what u really wanted was just one love frm him
u wld actually leave everything behing just for a love
that u aint sure if itll be there or not?
U sure arent doing anything abt ur situation now,
and also.. u sure are being selfish.
Im not trying to preach
or talk like i know everything
i seriously dont
Im just saying life's more worth it than that
and that ive chosen to go
becoz i just cant think the same way as you do
and ive chosen this path
becoz i wana live my life,
unlike u.
I hope u know how much i care abt u..
im sure that person noe who u are.
Whateve i told u, i swear its true.
i really hope u wld never accuse me that way again
Jangan kerana lelaki,
kita perempuan berpecah.
LOVE MAS, AIN, SARAH<3
Aite. gtg.
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